Por Marco Pereira
Son las 08:50 de la mañana y despierto cagado de sueño, con los ojos pegados, con la baba seca impregnada en la cara y lo recuerdo, el gran día ha llegado: Hoy es el paseo a Cartagena. Es mi primer «Cartagua» universitario y mis expectativas son altas, altísimas. Quiero ver al legendario Jesús, vomitar gente y mear en la orilla de la playa sin respeto por nadie como lo hacía en esos legendarios Años Nuevos en La Serena.
Me visto a la velocidad del rayo, tomo el metro-metro-micro que me lleva hasta mi campus en Ñuñoa y espero en el Jumbo de la esquina por mis otros compañeros mechones, para comprar los respectivos litros de alcohol… para remojar la locura que se nos viene, obviamente. Los grupetes están armados y mis aliados en la juerga llegan al poco rato, bajo un sol mañanero de mierda, de buzo y polera como si fueran víles traficante de pasta base.
Llegan al rato. Somos cuatro. Entramos con el resto de nuestros compañeros directo a la sección «Vinos y licores» a sacar cuentas y contar billetes de luca arrugados. Tenemos 10 pesos: Lo que significaría dos piscos tibios y cuatro litros de Sprite + un six-pack de la chela más rancia (también tibia) para ir hueveando en el bus a Cartagena. Como yo no comí nada más que un yoghurt con frutas, invierto 500 pesos en dos panes y dos chanchos para engañar la guata.
Nos vamos cargados hasta las orejas en copete hacia la U, donde hacemos hora por un largo rato, y mientras algunos ya comienzan a tomarse los tropicales, otros se fuman unos pitos a vista y paciencia de los profesores y seguridad de la Universidad. Pienso que sería entretenido que salieran las cámaras del CHV a reportear una hueá tan rancia, y además de rancia, cotidiana. Me río solo y sigo conversando con algunos amigos. Pasan dos horas y recién nos dan la señal para subir a los buses.
«¡Los mechones que me sigan!» – grita un hueón de segundo año.
Ya en el bus, si hasta ese momento era todo ansias y hamburguesas de soya, la expectativa se transformó en medallas de vino tinto, gritos y cánticos ahueonaos: Nos pusimos a chupar como condenados y los primeros/as caídos no tardaron en aparecer. Con timidez, sacamos los primeros puchos, -ya, soy mechón, no había fumado nunca antes en un bus, es súper loco- y siguiendo la onda del humo, a la marihuana también le comenzaron a dar como bombo en fiesta. Es increíble como un viaje tan pajero y largo se haya convertido en una previa-móvil más que divertida y libertina. Fue la zorra.
Bien recuerdo cómo mientras nos tomábamos las chelas mientras estaban frías y hueveabamos a Felipe Romero (personaje de la generación), los de Segundo Año nos miraban con risa y como diciendo «pobres mojones pollos», tirando sus propios chistes más fomes que los de nosotros y haciéndose los bacanes porque son más grandes y claramente saben mucho más. Pero eso no quitó que saltaramos y terminaramos bañados en el más rancio de los chimbobos y quedáramos ya bastante entonados para ser las 1 de la tarde.
Y llegamos a Cartagena, la Tierra Prometida del carrete universitario. De la que los sacos de huea (con todas sus letras) de segundo año tanto se llenaron la boca hablando. «¡Mechón culiao hueón nunca hay ido a Cartagena vay a quedar raja!», «No saben na estos cabros chicos», etc. Esos comentarios nos taparon de humillación y tal vez de un poco de miedo a cómo nos podíamos devolver a Santiago, o mejor dicho, cómo nos iban a llevar.
Sacando mochilas, polerones, guardando latas y botellas de ron tibias, despertamos a los primeros caídos (otros sacos de huea más) y nos bajamos del bus: El panorama era bien piola, algunos buses más aparte del nuestro, un par de pacos a caballo, unos marinos y a lo lejos una turba de gente y un bullicio que salía de unos parlantes a unos cincuenta metros. Mientras caminaba, más raro se veía que todos estuviesen tan apretados siendo que la playa es claramente harto grande. Lo que pasaba, por la chucha y por la rechucha, era que este año habían «cerrado» el perímetro del «carrete descontrolado» con una cuerda, y la playa, el baño más grande y exquisito de usar del mundo, contaba con una hilera de marinos que resguardaban que ningún gracioso se fuese a pasar de listo para mear ese mar que tranquilo nos baña.
Pero pico, esto es Cartagua. Nos instalamos y comenzamos a tomarnos los piscos que estaban asquerosos porque no teníamos hielo. La cosa, amigos, es que Cartagena de frentón es harto penca. Círculos de veinte o más personas tomando y apenas hablando, divididos por carrera, los de Derecho estan ahí, los de Ingeniería ahí, allá los veteranos, acá los más chicos, la arena molesta y uno se sacude a cada rato y puta madre, cómo negué el tropical porque «no tomo vino». Un culo. Yo no entendía cuál era el gran brillo si hasta la banda que estaba tocando en vivo tocaba como las huifas, como diría mi abuelo. Nadie hablaba mucho y da hasta vergüenza tirar un chiste en voz alta, no se escuchaba mucho más que un murmullo denso de conversaciones harto apagadas.
No me pregunten cómo, pero de golpe todo se fue a la conchesumadre, perdonando mi francés. Pensaba que esto de que «Cartagua es la zorra!» era una cosa de gente que no había pasado un año nuevo en Valparaíso o, poniéndome provinciano, en Cuatro Esquinas en La Serena. Me daba la sensación de que la gente que creó la leyenda de que el paseo era tan increíble era de los hueones vírgenes que a los 14 eran metaleros, escuchaban Slayer, veían animé al tiempo que odiaban el reggaetón y que cuando llegaban a la U se encontraban con minas increíbles de ricas, y no sólo eso, sino que también les daban bola y hasta se las podían comer en un carrete. Pero no. Hay algo más. En Cartagena «algo hay», algo que en un año nuevo no se puede ver o «percibir», algo que en un carrete muy re-bueno tampoco. Hay ese «algo». La leyenda era cierta. Cartagena es la zorra.
La primera señal fue una enana con una botella de vodka en la mano, borracha como viejo de cantina, cantando mierda. Lo segundo fue que me puse a tomar tropical (después de tanto decir que no) y ahí pareciera que se empezó a ir todo bien a la chucha. Lo otro fue que me encontré con tres o cuatro amigos que hasta entonces me fue imposible ubicar. Lo otro fue que se subió una banda muy buena a tocar y vamos dejando la cagada con las mochilas. Después la arena daba lo mismo y estábamos todos con el pelo como paja y la nariz tapada, y de la nada, los fallecidos: Esos pobres huevones que a las 2pm, quedando cinco horas de fiesta, están enterrados en la arena con los oídos hechos una mini-playa.
Ya después, y no me pregunten cómo, terminé conversando con unas cuicas de psicología, bailando cumbia con mis compañeros, a pata pelá y pantalón arremangado, meando atrás de un kiosco y gastándome todas mis sagradas monedas de los vueltos en choripanes con ketchup rancio. Tomando ron con hueones que no conocía y ahí, Santa Sara, el verdadero paraíso terrenal. Cartagua en todo su esplendor. Ya no más círculos de gente, sí anarquía y bailes satánicos de una turba de jóvenes borrachos. Ya no más personaje de segundo año haciéndose los choros, ahora estaba tirados de guata, balbuceando «que estaban bien». Estoy seguro que muchos lo están sintiendo en la moral. No más mochilas y muchos «un culiao me acaba de robar todo».
De la nada ya estaba oscureciendo, nos echaron, busqué mi bus como pude y me quedé raja de la manera menos heróica posible. Creo que unos compañeros se perdieron y tuvieron que irse en cualquier tontera para poder devolverse. Así, Cartagena se transformó en la mejor experiencia inolvidable que ya se me olvidó, y si me lo preguntan, sí, puta que lo pasé la zorra.
Me encantaría poder dar un testimonio más preciso y contundente de «algo» que pasó, pero creo que lo que pasa en Cartagua, se queda en Cartagua, aunque no quiera y esté haciendo un esfuerzo sobrehumano por acordarme de lo que sea.
wajwahwajwhajwa voldemort
muy bien pequeño saltamontes.
rey mechón.
jajaja….que nostalgia!!!!!!!!
¡Mechón culiao hueón nunca hay ido a Cartagena vay a quedar raja!
Los compañeros de segundo año la mayoría siempre son pasados a caca que les encanta sentirse superiores sólo por estar un año más, al final varios de los weones se terminan titulando al mismo tiempo que los de primero.
Eso sí, es un hecho irrefutable que los mechones siempre quedan hechos pico en los primeros carretes grandes.
Soy mechona de psicología y fui a Cartagua. Me hubiese encantado quedar como tú, raja ‘e curá, pero por problemas «técnicos» (xd) no se pudo. Eso sí, había llegado allá curá y como a las 1 de la tarde me pasaba lo que a ti te pasaba como a las 4 o 5 de la tarde. Mis compañeros de segundo no eran tan sobraos como los tuyos (al parecer) y bueno, nunca había escuchado decir que Cartagua es la zorra, sólo que quedaba la pura cagá. Sin duda hay que repetirlo.
Buena! Quiero volver a ser mechona 🙁 Acá en el sure tenemos la playa Ramuntcho pa’ los bacilones.
puta la redacción final como el hoyo, jil culiao.
uuuuui «lo que pasó en cartagua se queda en cartagua», entonces para que chucha haces la columna?
Si usted es de Ñuñoa entonces debe saber que a veces los pastos de nuestro queridisimo JGM se convierten en el mejor carrete que puedes tener, sobre todo después de un viernes de pruebas, malas noticias y tramites. Aunque Cartagua por inercia siempre es algo memorable
De la nada ya estaba oscureciendo, nos hecharon
H?
Dudo mucho que los de segundo te hayan dicho «¡Mechón culiao hueón nunca hay ido a Cartagena vay a quedar raja!», puesto que ni ellos habían tenido Cartagua, porque el 2010 no se realizó.
Obviando los errores de tu texto, entiendo la idea central y SÍ, CARTAGUA ES LA ZORRA.
Durante mi primera vez tampoco recuerdo nada, pero como dicen «lo que pasa en Cartagua, queda en Cartagua» lamentablemente yo estaba obligado por mi amnesia, pero mis compañeros hasta el día de hoy se esfuerzan por recordarme tan borroso evento.
puta, echo de menos ritoque wn
Todo fue «la zorra, la zorra, la zorra».
Chuta que tenís mundo.
Un artículo patético, fome y queris quedar de ganador , Y NO PO ZORRO.
déjate de ser tan sapa. kisses
puta la columna penca, en una parte dice que ojala estuvieran los del chv reporteando, onda pa mostrarle al mundo lo bakanes que son uds con copete escondido, cacha, despues que andaba con unas de sicologia, que tomaba vino, que no, que queria mear en la playa ¿? no cacho, puras weas. en resumen, hiciste en cartagua lo que podis hacer en cualquier otro bar rancio o campus de la chile (ya que ahi acostumbran tomar sin asco dentro de la facultad respectiva). cero aporte la wea. estas columnas son tipicas de pendejos que se las quieren dar de «malos» y «carreteros» pero ademas, «inteligentes» porq estudian en la chile o no se donde chucha. suerte en tu 1er año chao
Puta que historia mas buena!,
jajaja excelente descripción de Cartagua!! in-olvidable jaja
nada nuevo, lo mismo q hacen todas las ues y mas encima mil de funao, lleno de pacos y weas… creo q ya no es muy factible hacer este tipo de carretes debido a q las autoridadea webean muxo… cyah!
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