Premios Disorder Bicentenario: la noticia más WTF

Publicado por Francisco Campos

Archivo: 473 artículos

¡Teniai todo el desierto, conchetumare!

Cuesta creer que en una ciudad pudiesen encontrarse un bus y un tanque y resulta aun más increíble que estos hayan chocado, sin embargo, la mañana del viernes 30 de julio del año 2004 un bus escolar fue impactado por un tanque cerca de la ciudad de Iquique, mientras viajaba por la carretera en medio del desierto. Resulta extraño que, teniendo todo el desierto, el chofer del tanque Leopard justo se ensartase con un bus lleno de escolares, por mucha camanchaca y polvo que hubiese a esa hora de la mañana. Además ¿cómo chucha un tanque llega y se mete a la carretera como si fuera un auto corriente? Ay estos milicos…

link a la noticia

«La zorra culiao, no tenimoh segundo medioh y ya salimoh a tirar pinta en esta joyita. Le falta el alerón, loh subúfer, el nión y estamos dao choroh»

El hipo mata

El hipo es una mierda y no hay una receta cierta para que se pase. Normalmente, uno puede pasar un par de minutos con hipo y, en el peor de los casos, un par de horas dando saltitos en las que patearemos la perra como contratados y odiaremos a este espasmo involuntario del diafragma. Ahora, imagínense lo que sería pasar no horas, ni días, ni semanas, ni meses  si no que dos años con hipo, tal como le pasó a Miguel González quien luego de pasar dos años con un hipo incurable, optó por suicidarse.  El hombre, oriundo de San Antonio, trabajaba como guardia de seguridad y había buscado todo tipo de soluciones para su hipo crónico, hasta que no dio más con la insoportable situación.

link a la noticia

Ni siquiera ver esta carita fue suficiente para quitarle el hipo

El perro, el mejor amigo del hombre

El día 14 de julio del año 2004 llegó al hospital Carlos Van Buren de Valparaíso un sujeto que presentaba diversas lesiones, entre las cuales se encontraban heridas en la zona rectal. El sujeto se mostró reacio a dar mayor información respecto al origen de las heridas sin embargo, el médico a cargo logró que el paciente le confesara que, luego de una fiesta perdió el conocimiento y que, al despertar, se percató de que tenía diversas heridas en el ano y que estas se habrían producido a causa de una violación perpetrada en su contra por tres sujetos y un perro de raza indefinida, detalle sumamente importante.  Al tratarse de una violación, el médico tiene el deber de dar aviso a carabineros,  cuestión que habría motivado la fuga del sujeto desde el hospital. Sin embargo, la condición del «enfermo» empeoró  y tuvo que volver para ser operado en reiteradas ocasiones con el propósito de reconstruirle el ano.  Desgraciadamente, la investigación iniciada por carabineros, el Ministerio Público y la Brigada de Delitos sexuales no dio ningún resultado.

Evidentemente, como el perro era de Valparaíso, era harto más feo que el de la foto

link a la noticia

La guagua que anuncia el apocalipsis

El día 9 de abril del año 2002, el diario Las Últimas Noticias tituló «Estupor en Chillán por guagua que anuncia el apocalipsis». El diario, que había pasado recientemente de tener una línea editorial enfocada a la crónica roja a una muy similar al Semanario de lo Insólito, acompañaba el titular con una foto de una guagua cualquiera al mismo tiempo que no aportaba mayores datos del supuesto anuncio más allá de que una enfermera habría señalado que, mientras atendía un parto, habría exclamado «crestala guagua pa fea» y que esta, cual Linda Blair en el exorcista, le habría dicho «pero va a ser lo que va a pasar el 18 de abril vieja sapa». Estamos claros que la noticia era una mierda y no tenía nada de verdadero, sin embargo, la paranoia llegó a un punto tan alto que el director del Hospital de Chillán tuvo que salir a desmentir la estupidez inventada por el periodista de LUN Carlos Vergara. Evidentemente nada pasó y la guagua se transformó en un hito de la cultura popular chilena.

N. del E. hace un tiempo vi un blog en el que había una recopilación completa de las portadas de LUN referentes a la guagua apocalíptica, si alguien lo conoce, que me lo haga saber por favor.

link a la noticia

«Oe vieja culiá, déjate de hueiar y tráeme la papa nomás conchetumare»

La fuga del siglo

El 30 de diciembre de 1996 tres miembros del FPMR, condenados por diversos delitos relacionados al terrorismo, se fugaron del Cárcel de Alta Seguridad. Estamos claros que habiendo cárceles y personas que quieren salir de ahí no sorprende mucho una fuga, de hecho, las fugas de cárceles son relativamente frecuentes en la historia de Chile, pero esta fue sumamente diferente pues los reos se fugaron de la cárcel mediante un canasto sujetado a un helicóptero, el cual se posó sin problemas sobre el patio del recinto penitenciario y se marchó campantemente por los cielos de Santiago. Años después nos enteramos que la fuga había sido planificada hasta en el último detalle pero lo que dejó cachudo a todo el mundo es como los gendarmes nunca cacharon que había un helicóptero sobre la cárcel y menos que dejaba dejar un canasto para subir a los reos.

link a la noticia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzoIj0Qx5yU&feature=player_embedded#![/youtube]

De las balas te salvarás pero de los árboles ni cagando

En mayo de 1996 un cabo de carabineros recibió un balazo en el pecho, durante un tiroteo en la comuna de Peñaflor. Afortunadamente, la bala dio justo en un bolígrafo metálico que portaba el carabinero en el bolsillo de la camilsa y lo salvó de lo que podría haber sido una muerte segura. Dos meses después, mientras conducía un radiopatrulla en las inmediaciones del Parque Trapiche en la misma comuna, el cabo pereció producto de un árbol que se desplomó sobre el auto a causa de un fuerte temporal de viento.

Desgraciadamente no tenemos link a esta noticia, sin embargo, nos comunicamos  con la guardia de la Sub Comisaría de Carabineros de Peñaflor, en la cual se confirmó esta noticia pero no nos dieron el nombre del carabinero fallecido.

El bosque no te deja ver el árbol… que te acecha

Amor metálico

La angustia pasa la cuenta y cuando se anda con el mal del monte uno no piensa con la cabeza de arriba y se producen hechos como el ocurrido en marzo de 1998, en el que un sujeto llegó a la urgencia de la Posta Central con un rodamiento de vehículo atorado en el pene ya que no había encontrado nada mejar que simular la penetración con dicho objeto metálico.  Para retirar el rodamiento, trabajaron  arduamente el equipo de urgencia de la Posta Central en conjunto con dos compañías de bomberos de la Comuna de Santiago, los cuales tuvieron que cortar el rodamiento con una galleta para metales ya que se trata de un objeto sumamente duro. El rodamiento, claro.

link a la noticia

Si lo miran bien, durante 4 horas y luego de tomarse 7 piscolas, verán que tiene forma de chuchita.

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Vota  también a través de los comentarios  y participa por un CD de Miss Garrisson

Comentarios publicados en "Premios Disorder Bicentenario: la noticia más WTF"

¡Deja el tuyo!
  • juano

    lo siento por los demás protagonistas de la pauta noticiosa, pero el rodamiento es sencillamente un clásico moderno

  • Paula

    La de la guagua es muy wena! Me acuerdo que dp de que salió en lun todos andaban espiritudos esperando ese día de abril, como si fuera el 2012!! Además de la frase de bronce LA WAWA!!!!!!!

  • Martin Flores

    Para lo del carabinero que murió aplastado no tengo link, pero recuerdo super bien esa noticia porque se le dio harto color a lo milagroso de la salvada, pero con lo del árbol no supieron q hacer. Yo era pendejo y recuerdo q pensé «Y adonde quedó el lápiz?» y después me dije a mi mismo q era feo pensar en esas hueas.

  • PrincipeCain

    Te faltó el perro que habla, el dueño le apretaba la boca y decía «paaa…paaaa, mmaaa…maaa», lejos lo más patético visto en TVN por muchos años (era chico, debió ser en el 97 o 99)

    saludos

  • ElJorsh

    Ninguna noticia supera el significado lírico de un tanque chocando con un bus escolar, en pleno desierto, con neblina. Son del tipo de cosas que podrias ver en un capitulo de Family Guy

  • Claudio

    LA GUAGUA APOCALÍPSSSTICA Y NO HAY MÁS GILES QLS.

  • claudio

    voto por amor metalico, que manera de cagarme de la risa de esa noticia en su tiempo wn..y la portada de La Cuarta me acuerdo que decía algo asi como «loquito corto de genio confundió rodamiento con robotina» jajajaja

    ahh, lo de la guagua apocalíptica es una leyenda urbana super antigua, cuando estaba en la básica me acuerdo que ya se hablaba de eso…no se por qué recién el 2002 causó revuelo.,

  • Juan Pablo

    Lo del Carabipaco es espectacular, muy «Destino Final», la pelá persiguiendote incansablemente es casi poético.

    …Pero lo del rodamiento!!! ese weón debió internarse en un siquiátrico por pervertido, como xuxa metís el nepe en un rodamiento wn!!!
    Totalmente WTF. Indiscutible.

  • lejos la wuawua es la noticia… de hay salio el tachuela chico con «la wuwuaaaaaaaaa»

  • penitence_hurd

    Creo que la noticia de la guagua apocalíptica es lo más ridículo de todo. Pero me dio caleta de pena lo del caballero con hipo.

  • Hay varios clásicos como el del rodamiento… pero créanme que muchos hablamos en su tiempo de la Guagua Apocaliptica (y buena excusa para causar pánico en la población pendeja de turno).

    Buen recuento xD

  • Moquito Verde

    El rodamiento!!!, fue una de las weás mas lol de las noticias

  • Ignacio Ulloa

    estuvo dificil la decision ! pero la del hipo es como, puta wn, triste jajaja…aunque las demas como el rodamiento o la del «señor carabinero» estuvieron wenas ;D!…
    bien Disorder, se agradeceria el disco de Miss Garrison, suenan bien, saludos!

  • Lejos amor metálico xD
    Que increible noticia jajjaja

    ojala salga el cd, saludos

  • no podis follar un rodamiento, es la historia del bicentenario

  • Pablo

    Respecto a la guagua apocalíptica, sí sucedió algo.

    Sólo como anécdota, pues todos sabemos que fue una tontera. Ese mismo día muchos nos levantamos bromeando sobre el hecho, qué pasará nos decíamos, hasta que, pasadas las 12 pm, ocurrió un sismo con características de terremoto que duró aproximadamente un minuto y medio. Dicho sismo sólo provocó una muerte pero paralizó a la ciudad por un par de días. Mientras las mesas y sillas saltaban por los aires y la gente intentaba escapar, lo único que se oía tras el horrible sonido subterraneo era un «la guagua» acompañado de risas y algunos desmayos.

  • Tolee

    me quedo con la guagua! si recorrió chile la noticia! aparte yo era re pendeja ( iba en 4º básico ) y me acuerdo que todos esperaban el 18 de abril y tembló ese día por la tarde! recuerdo que mis ingenuos compañeros de curso rezaban luego de paralizar el acto de semana santa! aparte le lloraban e imploraban a la virgen por la guagua xD!

  • Lo de la guagua llegó incluso hasta Constitución en aquel tiempo, notable.

  • amor metalico! es que como weon! no podi uno lo imagina y no se puede creer la wea

  • Macarena

    Amor metálico todo el rato xD

  • korgul

    la guagua apocalíptica es la puta ley !!! me da lo mismo que estos aweonaos digan que es falso, yo sé que EXISTE y está oculta en chillán esperando el momento para desatarse, a los 33 años o una wea así. ya zaen ya

  • Fredy Boldt

    Lo de la guagua tenía alguna relación con el tema de Dorso supongo…y si faltó la del perro que habla, los argentinos se cagaron de la risa de nosotros con esa noticia, ah y también cuando hubo un pánico general con los ataques del chupacabras (pa desviar la atención de la detención del tata en Londres)

  • Pauly

    Yo recuerdo que si pasó algo el día de la guagua apocalíptica. Recuerdo que hubo un temblor piola.. Yo estaba en la escuelita donde trabaja mi mamá y evacuaron a tooodo el weonaje, y los dejaron en el patio un rato, esperando en fin del mundo (?). Siempre recuerdo eso, asi como pa no creer en weás.

  • Pauly

    Yaa, mas veces la palabra «recuerdo»..

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