Do You Get Naked Like a Libertine or a Prude? (En inglés)

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et1 By Etienne Aida Reyes Le Blanc

As is habit on Sunday afternoons, I was scrolling through Twitter on my phone as I was eating lunch and in my feed appeared a tweet from Chilean publicist, Javier Sanfeliú, with a question:

 

Survey: Can you easily get naked in front of other people, or are you a prude? Or, do you get naked like a libertine?

My initial instinct was to answer «like a libertine». In my 30 years of life, I’ve never taken my clothes off when I haven’t really wanted to. And similarly, I’ve never seen anyone naked that hasn’t wanted to be naked with me. Getting naked is never without its own insecurities or shyness but bodies are just bodies after all.

But not all reactions that have come directly after seeing me naked has been a pleasurable experience. I want to share three reactions to being naked for the first time with someone that I’ve experienced since I moved to Chile 5 years ago. This isn’t meant to be a thorough history of my sex life because that sort of information is reserved for my gynecologist (who, upon seeing my vagina for the first time, looked me in the eyes with his latex-gloved hand on my lady parts and said, «you have impecable lips». Um, thanks?)

«You would look so beautiful with plastic surgery. You wouldn’t even need that much!»

What. The. Fuck. While it’s true that this particular man’s two sisters and mother were all heavily operated (he once proudly told me that his older sister had 5kgs of fat sucked out of her body and put into her ass), who says that to another person? Did he want me to look like his sisters? Had this line led to a favourable outcome in the past?

I get that we all have different beauty ideals but come on! Surgery is no minor thing and to suggest that it is is just crazy. And what in particular was he referring to? A breast augmentation? A nose job? It bothered me for a while but let’s just say that that guy had no business bossing anybody around on good bodies, let alone in the bedroom.

What I learned: Not everybody is going to love your body. Fine. But there is never a correct moment to critique another person and suggest that they pay thousands of dollars to be cut open and rearragned from the outside in.

«Wow. I’ve never seen a woman with a pubic hair before.»

I’d like it to be noted that I’m 30 years old so the men who have seen me naked recently are not exactly young men. This surprisingly frequent reaction in Chile is absolutely meant to have a negative connotation. Due to its frequency, however, I try to rationalize it as knee-jerk reaction exemplifying the macho nation rather than a deep thought.

The truth is, I like to change it up down there. Sometimes I rock it au natural, sometimes my micro Brazilian bikinis require me to remove it all, and sometimes I’m just looking for an excuse to stay in the shower longer and decide to do some landscaping. My body, my rules. Deal with it.

What I learned: Don’t ever let anybody tell you that having hair or not changes the quality of sex. You not being comfortable with your body changes the quality of sex. Having an unsupportive partner who doesn’t respect you (and your body) changes the quality of sex. So give your pussy a break. And one more thing ladies: If you start waxing your vaginas from the day that your first pubic hair sprouts, your lips will be hanging down to your knees by the time you hit 40. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

et2

«My son likes women with soft skin. You should exfoliate more.»

Yes, you read that correctly. There are so many things wrong with this reaction, it’s hard to know where to begin. First of all, I’ll tell you that this is what my former mother-in-law said to me the first time she saw me naked. And why did she see me naked. you ask? Because we were at the Turkish baths. And why were we at the Turkish baths? Because my ex had mentioned beforehand that we were going and she wanted to check out who her son was sleeping with?

But that doesn’t explain everything wrong with that reaction. How does she know what level of skin softness her son likes? Also, why is this of concern to her? Also, how does she know what my skin feels like even before she touches me? Did she want to touch me? Aye.

What I learned: I’ve come to accept that the relationship between latina mothers and their sons is something that I will never fully understand. I used to fight that battle, but now it’s more of a agree-to.disagree thing.

So to answer Sanfeliú’s question whether I get naked like a champ or a prude, I still amazingly lean toward the former. I’d be lying is I said that I laugh off ridiculous reactions because the truth is that it affects me. But after al lis said and done, it makes me feel sad for all of the men and women with made-up body issues. Because they’re not the ones having awesome sex. I am.

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